The real aliens were the friends we made along the way
The creation of the Pyramids of Giza, the founding of the Roman Empire, the first steam engine. All of these share one thing in common: they were momentous occasions, memorialized in the annals of history and preserved in writing for innumerable days to come. But were all these really the product of human ingenuity alone? Doubtful. Very doubtful.
On September 20, 2019, 21-year-old national hero Matty Roberts and his 2 million plus strong army of Facebook “weaboos” had one goal in mind. A goal so immense in its potential impact that, if realized, could have marked a watershed moment in world history. Their noble mission? To “Naruto run” past the Area 51 guards as well as the bases’ defenses and uncover the whatever dark and twisted secrets that lay within no matter. “They can’t stop all of us,” read the Facebook event page.
It all started with the post. Created on June 27, 2019 as a joke with the apt description, “If we Naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets. Lets see them aliens.” Matty’s post was largely inspired by an episode of the Joe Rogan Experience podcast that had been released but a week earlier. Now, Matty might have expected a few laughs and a quick fade into obscurity. What he did not expect, however, was viral fame.
What started off as a few snide memes about the event soon snowballed into full blown mania, even becoming mainstream enough to attract official attention from a variety of esteemed news outlets, including but not limited to: The Washington Post, Time, and even The BBC.
Unfortunately, even the best of plans are often foiled by the cruel mistress that is reality. Though our valiant heroes attempted to remain resolute even in the face of overwhelming darkness, events soon took a turn for the worse. Roberts became increasingly critical of his own following, especially the more rabid and seemingly suicidal of the bunch. The last nail in the coffin came in the form of no less than the FBI itself. After close encounters with the federal kind, Roberts eventually decided upon a far less controversial (and more profitable) event for his following to attend: a music festival he dubbed “Alienstock” in Las Vegas.
As for the titular raid itself, the final turnout was…somewhat underwhelming to say the very least. Hardly a hundred people showed up, not even 10 were arrested in pursuit of the cause, and worst of all, no aliens were seen. Truly heartbreaking. An opportunity for change, for the betterment of all mankind, squandered in a bid for security and financial gain.
Featured Image—A Naruto runner begins to blur out of reality as his speed approaches the realm of sheer impossibility Courtesy of 13 Action News
By Alexander Chu