Satire: An Alternative to Voting

We’ve all been there. Waiting at the poll booths, waiting for up to hours on end just to place a tick on a piece of paper. In the end, all we get out of it is a sticker saying “I voted!” and a bragging right that you live in a democratic country (unless you live here in China). However, a simple solution that can save literally millions of hours of Americans is right in front of our faces.

First of all, let me state some of the benefits of getting rid of voting. Doing so can saves millions of work hours, since no one will have to spend countless hours doing nothing while waiting to vote. Instead, these hours can go towards more productive things, such as terrorism. One time I saw some campers setting up their tents like it’s the next Black Friday. Surprisingly enough, when they were interviewed, they had mistaken the line to vote for a line to Best Buy.

Often times, voting can be inefficient; some people are uninformed about politics, and some people just might not vote at all. I mean, why go through all the trouble, when you can stay home and celebrate National Drum Month and National Sleep Comfort Month occurring on the same month as Election Day?

Not only is voting inefficient, it is also impractical. As of right now, it is possible to win presidency with less than a 22% popular vote. This means that if I run for president with a specific plan in mind, I can become president with less than half of the population voting for me. Until so far, there has been three occurrences where this system was exploited; that means roughly to 7% of the time, there has been a case where the president was selected without a majority win (it seems like those numbers have gone up significantly during the recent election).

A proposal for a better form of election is where no one goes through the tiresome process of voting. Contrary to popular belief, there exists a way where the American population can effectively choose their leaders.

By the process of social hierarchy, it can be reasonably inferred that some humans are innately talented, be it intellectually or artistically. Careful assortment of some of these people can create a logical list of the best and brightest of Americans. But how will we accomplish this daunting task?

By holding a battle-royale type free-for-all, we can easily entertain millions of thrill-seeking Americans while also properly decide a leader in a civilized manner. Not only is this the most humane way to accomplish this task, it is the most effective, as there always will be a last man standing.

Finally when the leader is chosen, that leader will have no restrictions to ruling whatsoever; while this might sound bad at first, this supreme leader needs no interruptions since they will make great and precise decisions. Take, for example, our friend over at the DPRK; with a great and influential leader, the country is flourishing with a top nuclear program and a 100% literacy rate. This proves that by adopting a system of government that is sort of similar to that of DPRK, we can take the first steps towards becoming a great nation like them.

There are massive benefits to this type of government; first, by using common sense and wits, the smartest man will ultimately be the winner of the battle royale. Since only the wisest person with quick and concise decision making skills will survive, this secures the future of the American government will be bright.

Not only this, hosting and live streaming this soon-to-be national holiday brings in revenue for the government. This event could resemble the publicity of the American Super Bowl. If it becomes on-par with the Super Bowl, the estimated revenue will be massive; just in Super Bowl LII, over a billion dollars were earned just in advertisements alone!

All in all, after much consideration, getting rid of the confusing democratic voting system in favor of a free-for-all of the smartest people who has complete control of political affairs seems to be the only logical and superior way to run the government.

Featured Image Voting in Hackney courtesy of Alex Lee via Wikimedia Commons