Are We Losing the Art of Listening?

In this fast-paced society, it seems like everyone wants to express their thoughts as often as possible, whether in the real world or on the internet. This is especially true after the outbreak of the COVID-19 pandemic when people started working from home and communicating more and more through text messages. Some may say that this is a good thing, as it gives people more opportunities to stay connected to their workplace, but these connections tend to be short and lose the fundamental aspect of building a relationship – listening. Many people lose the patience to pay attention to other people’s ideas, which can lead to misunderstandings and often unnecessary conflict. The art of listening is often neglected in this fast-paced world where speaking and self-expression are paramount. Being a good listener, on the other hand, is a powerful technique that can improve relationships, increase understanding, and build deep connections with people. This article will discuss the significance of being a good listener and offer practical advice on how to become one.

What is Active Listening?

According to the American Psychological Association, active listening is defined as a “psycho-therapeutic technique in which the therapist listens to a client closely, asking questions as needed, in order to fully understand the content of the message and the depth of the client’s emotion.” In other words, this means that active listening is not just sitting there listening to people ramble on about random things, but it also means paying attention and responding to the speaker so that you understand what they are trying to tell you about their experiences.

In psychology, active listening consists primarily of three aspects:

• Cognitive: Paying attention to all of the information you get from the other person, both verbal and implicit, processing and integrating that information.
• Emotional: Maintaining calm and compassion during the talk, as well as regulating any emotional reactions (annoyance, boredom) that may arise.
• Behavioral: Both verbal and nonverbal communication of interest and comprehension are needed.

Why is it important for caregivers to listen actively to children?

1. Establishing trust: Listening is critical to trust building. When we sincerely listen to someone, this means we validate their thoughts and feelings, which could help establish a secure and non-judgmental environment in which they may open up and share. When it comes to childbearing, if the caregiver can show more patience to the kid and pay close attention to their feelings and mental processes, it increases the likelihood of the child developing a healthy relationship with trust with the caregiver. Once trust is formed, it increases the child’s sense of safety in the world, boosts the child’s self-esteem and confidence as they attempt new activities, and tells them that they have someone to turn to when things don’t go as planned.
2. Develop empathy and understanding from multiple perspectives: Active listening fosters empathy, which allows people to understand others on a deeper level. When we pay attention to what people are saying, we can grasp not only the words being spoken, but also the motivations, emotions, concerns, and perspectives behind them. When it comes to parenting, children can sometimes show multiple emotions at the same time. The child may feel anxious and excited at the same time. Caregivers should pay attention to these details when the child expresses distress and try to “dig deeper” into what they are actually trying to express and help them resolve the issues, rather than responding to their emotions with an unresponsive attitude and using phrases like “Why are you so scared on a normal day?” In fact, studies have demonstrated that parental empathy is related to childhood attachment security and emotional openness. Empathetic parents give a stable foundation for their children to explore their emotional experiences and seek consolation while facing emotional discomfort. Children who have had positive empathy experiences are more likely to develop a functioning pattern of emotional expression rather than emotional avoidance or withdrawal, which aids in the development of more stable human relationships.
3. Improve effective communication: When combined with trust and empathy, being a good listener allows us to precisely receive the speaker’s messages, prevent misunderstandings, and reply wisely. This not only increases the quality of talks but also reduces rages and fosters family peace.

How to become an active listener?

Here are a few key tips that could help one to become an active listener in daily conversations:

1. Face the speaker, make eye contact

Pay close attention to the person speaking. Reduce distractions like technological gadgets and preserve eye contact. This shows that we are totally involved in the conversation by using our body language, making the speaker feel respected as well.

• Don’t interrupt halfway or draw simple conclusions

Let the speaker finish their sentences or the things they want to talk about. Respond with nonverbal cues such as nods and smiles to encourage the speaker to feel more comfortable and say more. Don’t draw easy conclusions from what they say because we don’t know the big picture or the motivations behind their words.

• Use open-ended questions

Open-ended questions are an effective and essential tool for encouraging active listening. “Do you think you did well on the test?” might be substituted for “How do you feel about the test?” In other words, closed questions might appear negative and possibly domineering to the one speaking, preventing them from accessing their internal frame of reference.

• Pay attention to nonverbal cues

Pay attention to what the speaker is expressing with their body language, such as if they are smiling, crossing their arms defensively, or wiping their eyes as if fatigued or agitated. Even over the phone, you may learn a lot from the tone of the other person’s voice, which can be somber or enthusiastic.

The fact that I am interested and felt a need to research this topic is because, throughout my upbringing, I was constantly involved in small conflicts or arguments with my parents due to misunderstandings or both of us not paying attention to what was being said. Both of my parents love to share their ideas with me and sometimes impose their thoughts on me in order to educate me more, but sometimes they did not take note of what I was trying to express, so our conversations often ended unhappily, which was not even our intention. As a result, we became more and more distant from each other throughout my school years, as I did not talk to them as much as I used to in order to avoid potential conflicts and make both sides feel even more insecure. In the school environment, I notice the same phenomenon: some people focus only on expressing their own thoughts and interrupt others halfway when others want to say something. As a result, those who normally speak less tend to “hide” their thoughts even more, since no one is listening. This shows the importance of active listening in both family and school settings, that it can help build a healthy and positive relationship between parents and children, avoid misunderstandings, and reduce the potential for conflict. The art of listening should be embraced by everyone to create a more harmonious environment where everyone has the opportunity to listen and speak peacefully.